I brushed my teeth with real toothpaste today.
If you know anything about HG, or have been following my other posts about it, you’ll know what a big deal it is for me to brush my teeth. I’ve mostly been brushing with just water, which is a huge step up from not brushing at all (which was the case for many weeks during the worst times). Every once in a while I could use the special strawberry toothpaste that my husband got me–very mild taste, not as likely to trigger my gag/vomit reflex as the minty stuff. But today I used real mint toothpaste! And only got close to vomiting once, which I think I’ll blame on this lingering cough/throat tickle, not on the toothpaste.
I’m feeling relatively good today, though I wonder if that’s because it’s overcast and supposed to rain tonight. Last week I was dealing with depression, which could have been due to my thyroid levels, but could also have been because of the hot weather (really, it’s not supposed to be hot out in February!!). So it’s nice to see how the light is different in the apartment with cloud cover outside, and to look out the window with my cat at the beautiful grey blanket protecting everything from the sun.
We’re very much playing the waiting game with this baby now. I had contractions a few days ago that happened every few minutes for about three hours, and were worsening in intensity as we went. But then I ate some food and took a bath and they went away. 😦 My OB says from here on out we will just deliver instead of stopping the contractions with meds, which is a huge relief. Of course, as soon as he says that I stop having as many contractions as I was before. *sigh* They will definitely induce me at week 39, if we make it that far, because of the gestational diabetes. But baby and I are also taking longer and longer to pass the non-stress tests each time, and I keep hoping that means my OB will want me to deliver sooner rather than later. There’s also a chance that at the 37 week growth scan they will say the baby is already getting too big, and we should induce then. Fingers crossed, I guess. (I know how much other moms worry about delivering early, and I don’t mean to make light of it. But the month of steroids I was on for the HG probably helped with the baby’s lungs, and a good number of babies born at or after week 34 don’t even need to spend time in the NICU. It’s tough balancing my desperate desire to be done with this pregnancy (which has been the hardest challenge I’ve ever faced in my life, let me tell you) and concern for my kid. But mostly the desire to not be pregnant anymore wins out, because I’m confident about my little one’s health and fortitude.)
I have another non-stress test tomorrow, again at the hospital I need to deliver at (no NICU at the hospital ten minutes away, of course, so I have to deliver at the one 40 minutes away…). So I went to the grocery store today after my gestational diabetes appointment, and got some prepared foods to bring with me. The plan is to go early and spend a few hours at work (which is five minutes from the hospital). The trick, of course, is that maybe by going to the store today I have exhausted my energy reserves, and tomorrow I’ll be feeling worse. That happens super often. So I’ll just take it a day at a time, like I’ve had to do this entire pregnancy.
At this point, I’m almost tempted to push my limits as far as I possibly can every day, to possibly go into labor sooner rather than later. I just have one more week to wait until the full 30 days will have passed since I signed my consent form for the tubal. So really, any time after that, I’m ready to meet this baby. It would also be super nice to get just one normal paycheck under my belt before delivery–we would’ve been lost a long time ago without short-term disability, but I still miss my full income and worry about the six to eight weeks I’ll have to take off after having the baby.
Every day feels like a confusing mix of progress and mounting frustration. I don’t know if I’ll really know what to do with myself once I don’t have nausea and headaches and potential vomiting hanging over my head. Or when I can eat whatever I want again, because the diabetes will be gone. It seems so foreign. Too good to be true. I really think I’ll be one of the only moms out there who says that a newborn is so much easier than pregnancy. And while I hate the HG and wish I had never had to go through it…it’s like a small consolation prize knowing that life will actually be easier once this kid is born, instead of more difficult.
You can find the other posts in my series on hyperemesis gravidarum here.