Just Married…is it Different?

A lot of people have been “giving us space” after the wedding. We’ll call someone up, or text them and say we miss them, and they’ll say they were giving us some space.

A part of me feels like they’re treating us like the survivors of some natural disaster—“Take your time, no need to rush into normalcy again.” As if getting married leaves you so wrecked on desolate shores that you wander around in shock for weeks afterward.

I know what they’re really doing is trying to be kind and considerate. They are trying to give us space to find a new balance, to enjoy each other. The thing is, I enjoy my husband all the time. I have been continually benefitting from his presence in my life for the past 5+ years. And for the last year and a day before our wedding, we were handfast, which to me constitutes a binding spiritual union.

Relationships take a lot of work. Husband and I were engaged a couple years into our relationship, and that ended in a painful breakup where we spent seven months apart. We weren’t ready to even really think about getting married—we were just taking the next step, as it had been outlined for us over and over again.

The reason we finally got married, five years into our relationship, is because we had already put in all the work to find a balance together. We were already living together, sharing finances, planning our futures always with the other in mind. We shared our parents, our families. We had already committed. Only then were we ready to make it “official” in the legal sense. It was already true in our hearts long before the wedding day.

Don’t get me wrong—I loved the wedding. I got to surround myself with people I love, to celebrate all the work and all the joy that I’ve experienced since hubby entered my life. The only thing that’s really changed, though, is a couple visits to the social security office and the DMV, and the blessed end to the damn wedding planning.

Some people take us more seriously now—they treat us with a little more respect after we’ve taken the very “grown up” step of getting hitched. But they tend to be the people who never gave us enough credit for just being ourselves anyway. As if being an unmarried adult is some sort of state of misfortune.

The bottom line is this: not much changed for me, now that I’m married. I live and love in the same way I did before. Am I happy? Absolutely. I feel so lucky to have such a loving, caring, strong husband. I think I felt just as lucky, though, when he was still my boyfriend.


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